Would you credit it ?

Efigie da Republica goes to the dentist

So Brazil has been on a credit feeding frenzy these past few years. Everyone's at it, buying on the never-never. As I have said before I can't see it ending well. But while the party continues, you would at least expect the participants to offer the basic courtesy of payment by credit or debit card.

Well, it's hit and miss, but too often miss when you really need it, ie more expensive purchases.

When I went to a hygenist recently, it cost me the same as an expensive one in London, about £65. The woman seemed fairly competent despite some lacklustre equipment but there were the usual telltale signs of Brazilian weirdness. I won't bore you with them now. OK, I will.

Well, just two examples: she kept telling me to get up from a fully recumbent position in order to rinse; I'm not that out of shape but doing so without any mechanical help and with hulking great objects to circumnavigate was pretty difficult. No explanation or apology offered by her. She also sent me across town just to get an x-ray, which cost a lot and was then not sent to her in time for our next appointment (I bet it never got to her at all). Thank god I had taken a photo of the x-ray with my iPhone.*

When it came time to pay, my cards were hastily rejected. Cash only. As usual I protested, and they countered with the quintessentially Brazilian mix of evasiveness and earnestness. First, "No-one accepts card payments", then "The machines don't work," then "The machines are too expensive", and finally, "The owner doesn't want to invest in a machine." Take your pick, it's all waffle and nonsense.

You try and tell them that, even if you are happy with the service, you will in future choose an alternative dentist who does take cards. As ever, you hope to spark a bit of competitive ambition and insecurity. Oh come on, who am I kidding ? They politely and calmly let you have your rant, knowing that life will go on just as it always has.

Then there's hotel and flight bookings. Where to begin ? Too tedious again to relate but one example: it was much easier for me to book internal flights on the national Brazilian airline TAM by phoning their UK office and doing the whole thing over the international phone. In fact, local TAM would have been impossible without crossing town to do it in person at their office !

We are currently trying to book a hotel in Rio, maybe the only one with remaining rooms over the Easter holiday. It goes without saying that the cost is too high but what really kills me is A) the impossibility of reserving with credit card details over phone or web; B) the necessity, always in Brazil, to pay a certain amount in advance, something unheard of in most hotel booking worldwide; C) since there is no credit card allowed, the necessity to withdraw cash and schlep over to a local bank and make a deposit; and finally D) having pre-paid we must then make a photocopy of the receipt and fax or email it to the hotel to prove that we have done so !

My Brazilian friend Luiz told me that Rio is rip-off central, as in underhand or sleight of hand rip-off rather than the kind of daylight robbery rip-off that is normal in Brazil. So, having jumped through all these hoops just to reserve the hotel, I must expect to receive a dodgy bill at the end of my stay, which will have to be forensically examined and scrutinised, ensuring I am not charged a fat fee for a tiny chocolate placed on the pillow or a small tube of "complementary" shaving foam strategically placed in the bathroom.

Sorry, it's hard to stay on topic when there is so much to be annoyed about ! Well, to close off this post, let's just remind ourselves how long ago the first credit card was issued, in the US of course, and how rapidly the plastic fantastic has since spread its tentacles across the world, making the boring and tedious process of paying for things so much easier.

I thought the cash economy had been consigned to museums, third world countries and black markets ... oh, wait ... surely not here in the heart of Brazil's biggest city ?!

* Another oddity was not being offered those big protective glasses to wear, the kind which seem to have become de rigeur elsewhere. So she's hoovering away inside my mouth with various loud, buzzing instruments and it's raining water and other assorted particles all over my face. Thankfully I was wearing my usual specs. When it was over I noticed she had the protective glasses sitting a few feet away. Anyhoo ... won't be going there again, no matter how much comedy value.


PS: Had the same cash-only farce when visiting an optometrist last week. Once again, I noted the less than cutting-edge instruments and corresponding "glamorous" outfit of the woman inspecting my eyes. With her big rings, jangly jewellery and over-made-up face she looked like she had just popped in on the way to a cocktail party.