Exile on main street

Having paid a £1200 application fee (not to mention a great deal more in UK legal fees); having suffered through unending bureaucracy; and having pleaded with the British embassy to expedite our efforts to get my son a visa allowing permanent entry into the UK ... today we received a package with all our documents returned. Finally, our luck is turning, I thought, finally my half-British son is officially welcome in the land of his father's birth.

"Refusal of entry clearance," said the cover letter.

Written by a faceless moron (I use the polite term) from the UK Border Agency, and addressed personally to nine-month old Sam, it said that I, not he, had been the "target" of our violent robbery and that I, not he, was the one at threat. I'm so reassured that the UKBA understands the motives of potential kidnappers in Brazil far better than I ever could.

This nameless decision maker also told Sam that we have now moved to a safe new location and can live happily ever after where we are. Did I miss the sentence where s/he said they would be covering our living costs in this unfeasibly expensive safe-house ? Finally, Sam's judge and jury decided that he was not my "sole responsibility" because the Brazilian mother had been living with us and co-parenting. Obviously, getting Sam into the UK is just a devious and transparent ruse to get his dodgy foreign mother in too. No mention of the fact that our application form spoke not of "sole responsibility" but of which parent would be nominated "primary carer".

We have the right to appeal. Preferably in person. In the UK. So that's very practical.

The real reason why Sam wasn't accepted is probably because he is not an Islamic hate preacher, or a Romanian robber or an EU benefits tourist. Just as we couldn't be living in Brazil at a worse time when it comes to the cost of living, so we couldn't be applying to Busted, Bankrupt Britain at a worse time. The UK visa-abusing horse bolted long ago and now the immigration stable door is being slammed shut.

I don't like Brazil and I don't like Britain. And I don't particularly like the way the world is going in general. I, we, are in exile from somewhere but increasingly im wondering, where exactly ?

Meanwhile, what choices do you have when shoved into a corner like this ? I loathe bureaucracy at the best of times. And now is very far from being the best of times.