My son the "foreigner"

I always felt like a semi-detached Brit. But that means I was also semi-attached. Now I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have produced a completely unattached non-Brit. And until now the only thing I had worried about was the fact that, according to my religion's ancient laws, he was a non-Jew. This religious headache has paled into insignificance compared to the more pressing problem of Sam's being denied entry to a country that I still, just about, call home.

A child's welfare is at stake. His mother is still technically married to someone else because of insanely slow bureaucracy. I honestly believe we have wondered into the pages of Catch-22 or a Kafka novel. Now that the first attempt to get my son a UK visa has so dramatically failed, no-one seems to know exactly what to do, barring the probably pointless and slow appeal process. "Keep calm and carry on !" would be my approach if I myself were more English. But I'm not, and I can't.

While she lived in the UK, P worked, studied, paid thousands of pounds in taxes and as a non-EU passport holder never claimed a penny in public funds. Yet during the time that she was employed in a jobseekers agency, she was shocked by the number of EU benefits spongers, clearly milking the system. P also shared houses with similar characters, such as the Portuguese woman who claimed child benefit for her two adult children, both living in the Netherlands. It was a world in which fake passport factories were rife and institutionalised fraud was endemic.

I have met so many Brazilians who also have an EU passport, thanks to ancestors from Spain, Portugal or Italy. They are free to come and go, usually to London of course rather than their mother countries. It might suit them now to be back in Brazil but if things should change, no worries, back to Europe we go ! We met a taxi driver of just such a status the other day. It was clear from his comments that he wasn't especially wedded to Brazil but he had repatriated his UK money when the pound was still strong. The Brazilian economy had been good to him in the last few years so why not stay ? If it changes, he and his family will no doubt be off to London again before long.

Passports, visas, dual identities ... What a game it's all become. And yet it's hard to see the funny side when you're worrying about a nine-month-old baby who's now a persona non grata.

What was it ? More than 5 million immigrants arrived in the UK during New Labour's years of social engineering. The biggest single influx in Britain's history. And just like the credit bubble, the immigration bubble also blew up. These days you can't get credit and you can't get a visa.

It's all proving too much for my little head to cope with. I'll just have to keep trying to be British enough to keep calm and carry on.