Keep calm and carry on

It seems as if every other Brazilian you meet has joint Italian, Spanish or Portuguese nationality. All they need is a grandparent from one of those countries to qualify. Why do countries, including others such as Poland, offer this generous benefit to people who appear, once they have it, to go and settle in the UK ? I've heard endless stories to this effect, with Britain's famous welfare state rolling out the red carpet to these instant EU "citizens".

Then there are the preachers of hate, militant Islamic and otherwise, who enjoy decades of job-free hospitality in the UK for themselves and their large families, but cannot be ejected from this country because of "human rights".

And of course there is the home-grown population of looters. The looting class extends all the way down from former "left-wing" prime ministers who steered this country into near-ruin but who now enjoys multiple houses and a multimillion pound income, thanks to "consultancy" work. Looters also include police chiefs and council chief executives whose incompetence is rewarded with six figure salaries and seven or eight figure pension pots, all at the expense of future generations. The list of looters goes all the way down to vicious lowlifes helping themselves to free merchandise during the recent "summer sales".

Keep calm and carry on, says the old British aphorism, a reminder of the once-famous stiff upper lip. Britain kept calm while it was committing social and economic suicide. Now that the damage has been done, it is anything but calm. More like witch-hunt hysteria.

We arrived at Heathrow several days ago after a night flight from Sao Paulo. Our plane was ahead of schedule as we touched down before 7am. However, ten hours later we were still at Heathrow. My son and partner had been separated from me almost immediately and kept in virtual isolation for the rest of the time. "You can go through, sir, you're a British citizen," they told me, as if the fate of my family was no concern of mine. So I and my parents sat and paced endlessly, up and down the steel and glass cathedral that is Terminal 5. If it hadn't been for my lawyer and my MP's office, I wouldn't even have been able to speak to P on the phone.

It looked almost certain that she and our son were going to be refused entry and either held like prisoners in immigration limbo or sent on the next flight back to Brazil. The woman dealing with their case seemed hostile and impervious to anything but the blackest interpretation of events. It was therefore pretty miraculous that this grand inquisitor suddenly disappeared from the stage (her shift had ended) and was replaced by someone altogether more human.

The new and improved version offered a more sympathetic and nuanced ear to our respective accounts and seemed impressed by our honesty, even if that didn't make for a slick story. She conveyed her thoughts to the Chief Immigration Officer and suddenly the portals of paradise were flung open. The prisoners were free to leave No Man's Land and enter, at least temporarily, this sceptr'd isle.

Since our traumatic entry I've heard a number of UK Border Agency (UKBA) horror stories. Academics, extremely wealthy individuals, fiancées, people from countries formerly considered close cousins, such as the US or Canada - these unfortunate travellers have been detained, humiliated, handcuffed, imprisoned and finally refused entry and deported. It's a depressing state of affairs - doubly so when you see who has been let in for all these years while Britain was asleep at the wheel.

Keep calm and carry on, indeed.

Update: On hearing of our immigration hassles, a sandal-wearing former hippie here in leafy Oxford was heard to say: "Quite right too ! They should be tough with them !" He was probably just the kind of person who, during the long years of "multiculturalism", exemplified by politically-correct contortions in order not to offend "minorities", would have shouted down anyone expressing precisely the kind of "fascist" comments that now emanate so easily from his bearded orifice.